I resolved to change my outlook on life and now I believe truth is what I have experienced myself, not what I hear. When I realized Mary was a masochist, I realized there was certainly something going on with her I could not possibly understand, and her lies might not be under her control. I also shocked myself, and realized I had been totally out of control, and changed myself so I never touched her in anger again. In the spring of 1980 I was so angry I physically abused her with the intent to hurt her.Īs a result of that I realized Mary is a masochist. I physically abused her by pushing her aside when I left the house, sometimes very roughly. I have described it as dancing with the devil. I abused her emotionally trying to get the truth from her. I have never been able to establish what was true and what was not true. Mary had lied to me about many things, going all the way back to before we got married, about everything. The more I dug, the more lies I uncovered.
Perhaps I took it for granted, but it infuriated me to be lied to. Truth was something I definitely thought we had agreed on. The more I asked, the stranger the answers got. But when I questioned her about why she had allowed it I got odd answers. I was upset, but we are wild children of the sixties, and I felt we could get past it fairly well. In 1978, just a week after our 5th wedding anniversary, my wife Mary allowed a friend to seduce her.
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